"I Didn't Click Anything" and Other Lies We Hear Every Week

The ticket said: "My computer is doing weird stuff. I didn't click anything."

We love this ticket. It's our favorite ticket. It's like a mystery novel where the butler did it and the butler is also the one who called the detective.

Here's what we found:

• A file in Downloads named Invoice_Final_FINAL.pdf.exe. PDFs don't end in .exe. This one did. It had been opened. Twice.
• Something called "Coupon Helper," installed Tuesday.
• Three new browser toolbars and a homepage we had never heard of.
• An email that said "Your mailbox is full. Click here to verify your account." It had been clicked. A password had been entered.

We asked about the email.

"Well, I clicked that, but that doesn't count. It was from Microsoft."

It was from a domain with a zero where the O was supposed to be.

The hall of fame

"I didn't click anything" is the champion, but it has a strong supporting cast:

"I didn't change anything."

Your desktop wallpaper is now a photo of a boat.

"It was working a minute ago."

It was working in March.

"I didn't give anyone my password."

Except the "IT department" that called you from a number with no area code.

"My kid doesn't use this computer."

There are 40 Minecraft mods on the desktop.

The part where we get serious for one paragraph

Here's the thing nobody expects an IT Jerk to say: the click isn't the problem. The lie is. Phishing emails are good now. Really good. Everyone clicks eventually, including people who work in IT. The person who calls five minutes later and says "I think I clicked something bad" is a hero. We can reset the password, kick the attacker out, and contain it before lunch. The person who waits three days hoping nobody notices turns a free fix into a very expensive week.

Okay. Serious paragraph over. You definitely clicked something.

Names changed to protect the ID10Ts. Also, this story is fiction. Any resemblance to your office is your office's fault.